So over the last couple of weeks since chemo ended I've wondered when I would start to see the mass exodus of my "girlish locks". The more time that passed, I began to hope I'd be one who wouldn't. I couldn't have been more wrong. My hair has been coming out in fistfulls the last 3 days. Today, a friend is going to bring their Wahl trimmers over and cut the rest off.
I always thought I had decent hair, even if it was still stuck in the 80s much of the time. So it's a huge part of myself that's going away. I know it will grow back. It doesn't define me, but it was a big part of who I thought I was.
So, knowing I'm planning to cut the rest off, I had a brief discussion with the kids (mostly Jamie) about how the next time they see me my hair was going to look more like Daddy's does. And because I know how cruel kids can be I thought it a good opportunity to advise how I am going to feel about not having my hair and how I thought she should feel about it. Because others will look at me differently. And that might not be as easy to deal with as I think it will be.
"So, Jamie, when others look at me differently I won't feel embarrassed or ashamed that I don't have my hair because I EARNED my health and my ability to keep that promise to you to try to live to 100 like I said. If losing my hair was part of that path, it's worth it. And I'm proud of it."
I am healing. Hear me ROAR!
You always had beautiful hair and you will again soon. You might get a couple double takes, but that's Ok. You are healing your body and fulfilling that promise to live to be 100 for Jamie and Max. You will get there.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Marcy