When you spend 6-12 months if your life, fighting for your life, other things get put on the back burner. Like losing your job, familial changes, thinking about being and feeling sick and time missed w the kids. And just like the past year you find yourself prioritizing what to deal w next.
Finding a job
Dealing with familial changes
Do I date or not?
Depression and anxiety due to all of the above
I share these things for pity's sake, as some might think. This happens to be my reality and unless you have spent time in my shoes, all anyone can do is form their own opinions. You spend a year so focused on getting better, not letting anyone but the doctors and nurses know how you really feel and you don't grieve the losses that occurred before and during that year. I am truly starting fresh but the "wounds" feel raw. At least the kids have stopped asking if I have to go to the hospital. I think they are finally healing too. I find myself asking "Do I stay or do I go?" Start over somewhere else.
But I am blessed beyond deserving. I thank God EVERY DAY for this miracle and for my perfect donor. After all, I did contract the absolute worst form of leukemia. And now I am cancer free. Only 4 years and 3 months until they consider me "cured".
Until this has all been figures out, I will still look for opportunities to help others who are going through similar ailments. Its rewarding and part of the reason I am still here. Part of my purpose, which I will fulfill.
